Halo Story
by Shiinieful Ness
Summary: Its a parody between Halo and Toy Story. I got Chapter 6 up. This is what happens when everyone discovers there is more than one Cortana. I need reviews please!
1. The Worst First that you should skip

Hee hee...... I don't own Halo or Toy Story............ Hee hee.  
(A.N. I went through a lot trying to make this accurate! I was trying to pull out TS and all my movies fell on top of me!)  
  
(A.N. When things are like this (.........) Its a song or me!)  
  
Casting: FIND OUT ON YOUR OWN TIME!  
  
Its a beautiful day. The saloon was full, the sky was blue........ wait....OMIGOD!  
THERES A STICKUP!!!  
  
"THIS IS A STICKUP!!" A random member of the flood yelled.  
"GIVE ME ALL THE HUMAN BODIES YA GOT!!! Preferably women.  
mmmmmmm, women..........."  
  
A pile of women are piled onto the floo-GROUND, 'sept Cortana, who was dressed up as some frilly pink little dress."STOP IT YOU MEAN OLD FREAKED UP ALIEN ELITE!"  
  
"SHUT UP CORTANA, OR YOUR GIGABITES GET RUN OVER!"  
  
"BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAIAIAIAIAITES!" The GigaBite shrieked.  
  
"OH MY GOD!! MY GIGABITES! SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!" Cortana shrieked,  
placing her wrist on her forehead.  
  
" REACH FOR GOD!" Someone who sounded like Hank Hill drawled. That someone jumped from the top of the bed and smashed the flood member, but quickly got off seeing as that wasn't supposed to happen.  
  
" Captain Keyes!"  
Triumphant music plays. " I'm here to stop you, One-Eyed Flud!" He reaches over and rips off half of the combat form's face.  
  
" OH GOD THE PAIN!! IT BURNS!!! I mean..... DOHH!! HOW'DE YA KNOW IT WAS ME???!!! The freak screamed.  
  
"Oh well. I HOPE YOU KNOW I GOT A FORCE FIELD JACKAL!" One-Eyed Flud cried triumphantly, displaying a Jackal with a pink shield.  
  
" Oh well, I HOPE YOU KNOW I GOT AN ELITE, THAT EATS FORCE FIELD JACKALS FOR BREAKFAST!!"(and lunch............ and dinner.....)  
  
The red armored Elited jumped up and devoured the jackal in bits. The rest can only stare.  
"Well...... YOU'RE GOINING TO JAIL FLUD! SAY GOOD BYE TO THE BITCH AND BASTARDS!" A HUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMUUUNNGUS)  
(compared to them, anyway) carrier form throws Flud into a crib of doom, where an infection forms eagerly tries to infect it, but the carrier slaps it away.  
  
In the struggle, however, Flud's blood spews everywhere, including on top of the discarded Captain Keyes. His eye are soon burned out, and his mouth, in a triumphant toothy white green, looks like the victim Colgate would pick up.  
  
" You saved the day again Jacob!!" the carrier gurgled, pulling the drawstring on Captain Keyes back.  
  
" You're my only deputy!" the captain said.  
  
(I had some blood in me)  
  
HALO STORY( I had some blood in me  
It pounded through my head, my heart, brain, but now its on her nice warm bed.)  
  
"Come on Jacob! Lets mutilate the cows!" the Carrier brandished a lasso, slung it at the cattle, wrapped it around their necks and choked them to death.  
  
(Just remember I have a gun! But no longer any blood in me.)  
  
The carrier drops Keyes on a rejection device, rejcets him, and smashes him headlong into a wall.  
"YEAH!!"  
  
Carrier carries infection into kitchen. " BYE JACOB! I'M GONNA CELEBRATE MY FLOOD DAY!"  
  
All of a sudden, Keyes sits up and looks around. (we all knew he would)  
" ALL RIGHT! COAST IS CLEAR!! COME ON OUT!!"  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Ohhh! That was almost a cliffie! Will continue for two reasons.  
  
1. Since I highly doubt any one likes this piece of crap, I will settle for 1 review or if I feel like it.  
  
2. I am in the middle of a highly difficult move, therefore I might take a while if  
someone reviews.  
  
P.S. Sorry this chappie is so short. I gotta get SOME sleep. 


	2. Guns and Checkers

Hi! Before I start the story, I must say, no, Halo is not mine today. Or tomorrow,   
can't forget about next day..... day after that ain't lookin' too good either....or- 

Messages to the reviewers.......

Cueball: Yay! Someone actually threatened me to write! That has never happened before!   
Thank you very much and keep reading!bows

RavenMarss2000: Well I know it's odd.....and random.....and sick......but I didn't know it was funny! Thank you!! I try to make ya proud!

The Impossible Something: I will change the 'sept part, try to space it out more, and put it's,   
but I'd rather leave OMIGOD(!!!!!!!?????) Up there just because. Oh, and the floo-GROUND means I was about to say floor because you're not supposed to know that it was the floor of a room. Oh, and I'll clarify things a bit. But thanks for bothering!

RielleAilin: I like your penname! Never heard it before... but I like it! I suppose I did say please R&R! It's not really supposed to make sense. You gotta watch the movie .   
No inside joke.

Most encouraging review: Cueball Runner-up: RavenMarss2000

No prize, sorry about that.

ON TO THE STORY! THUNDERCATS, GOOOO! (Don't own those either -)

Jacob wiped the blood out of his face. He looked at his hand. He started twitching convulsively. He jumped up and down and shivered. (Thats my method of dealing with heebie-jeebies!! Like......SCHOOL FOOD! Ughh...) "EEWWWW!!" Green-biege blood trickled down his arm,   
sending him into another fit, this time looking like a dancer doing the macarena (EEEHHH! MACARENA!) " UUUHHHGGGHHH!!"

He throws his hands in the air, swings them wildly, and shrieks.   
"AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" he inspects himself,   
deeming the blood gone with the wind. Unbeknownst to him, yet beknownst to me, he will be unpleasantly suprised(it won't be now. Later, you'll see). He sighs and strikes a heroic pose.   
Luckily for him, nobody saw that episode, as they were too busy with their own affairs.

" Hey, look, I'm Pistachio!" One-Eyed Flud cried jubilantly. The combat form did indeed look like a nut, now that his arms were ripped off and his legs and head were only stumps. His disgusting, sickening, repulsive color matched perfectly with an un-dyed shell of a pistachio."Yeah.......I don't get it." His partner replied.   
"YOU UNCULTURED SWINE!"

Jacob shook his head at the scene and ventured toward the bucket 'o marines.   
"Sarge, have you seen Grunty?" "SIR NO SIR!!" The marine bellowed.   
"ha ha ha... thank you. At ease." Jacob jumped down from from the top of the bed.   
"Grunty? Grunty??" He called. " Here I am!" a squealy voice came. "And I'm red this time!"   
He pulled out a checkers board with the words 'My First Checkerboard' written on it.   
"No Grunty-" "Fine you can be red, and I'll-" "GRUNTY! I can't right now... I have some bad news-" "BAD NEWS? HOLY S##!!!" After a minor case of staring,   
everyone gasped. Mutters spread through the crowd, like "holy cow" and "bad news?"   
and "S##???" "Uuuummm.... yeah.... go get the toys ready for a meeting, oh and be happy!" Jacob muttered, embarressed. "Happy?!! HAHAHAHA!" The grunt laughed maniacally. As he walked through the room, he spotted computer walking the room. "HEY PUTER(his name, don't correct me!) DRAW!!"

The computer quickly generated a picture of MA5B, AKA the assault rife.   
"DO'H! Got me again! What can ya say, the fastest keys in the west!"

yayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyay

Wow! I finished! took me the whole of two hours too! I know it sucks, but please be nice! If you aren't gonna say anything nice, DON'T TELL ME AT ALL!   
I don't care if you correct me, but please wait a little. I just spent a lot of time typing (which I don't do too fast) and I don't want to see a whole bunch more work to do!   
I will fix last chapter, but later!

Bows again Thank you, you kind-hearted people! I will write next chapter for 1 more positive review! After I get a little more confident, I will stop doing this.

Sorry if this chapter wasn't too funny, but all the things that can be funnily modified are in the middle of the movie.   
THANK YOU FOR READING CHAPTER TWO OF HALO STORY!


	3. Ghetto people are always fake

Disclamer: Don't own. HALO! Must own copy of HALO 2! But can't. 

Messages to the reviewers:

RavenMarss2000: Sorry about your story. Thank you for the review, after the meeting its gonna get more off track.

halo marine 1: Um... thanks for the review squints at screen halo marine 1.   
I have read a fic by Tru7h nd Ord3r. But do you think I would actually improve and read that stuff you ordered with that attitude? I told you it was my first fic and to bear with me, but nope. And I did get some good reactions. I got seven reviews,   
2 of which not praising, 4 good reactions, and 1 helpful one. And you wouldn't try to help politely if you didn't see some potential in it, would you?   
And, as I said in the 2nd chapter, I was going to go back and edit the first chapter because it wasn't that good.

MASTER CHIEF 45: Oooh yes, don't worry. What would be a funny parody without the Chief? NOTHING!! And that does give me an idea. Why don't some people go and make a movie really called Halo Story and be like this fic? (I'M FAMOUS) Or at least around something like this..... Thank you for the review!   
It was really helpful!

Most Encouraging Review: RavenMarss2000 Runner-Up: MASTER CHIEF 45

hands you two imaginary cookies Savor them in your imaginations, you kind people!

ON TO THE STORY ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN'! PRICES GOIN' DOWN DOWN! ROLLBACK!

The cowboy-claud old man walked down the long, blood splattered path to the podium of meetings, the loudspeaker of gatherings, the voice of truth.   
He heroicly strode towards the miniature stand, and was about to make it when a shiny black cane wisked him away from his path. "NOOOO!! I'VE BEEN A BOY! PLEASE DON'T TAKE ME WHERE THE FIRES GOOOOOO!!!"   
He suddenly stops wailing and stares at his captor.

Cortana stands there, brandishing her cane. She is now the official IMAGE of ghetto. Look up ghetto in the dictionary. You will see the definition 'Cortana' and a picture of her in baggy blue jeans, a loose red shirt, about 35 hip-hop medallions, and a snow hat. Her shoes are oversized and and her teeth are pure black.

After Jacob stares, bug-eyed, at Cortana's new get-up, she finally says," I wanned ta tank ya for savin my ma bitzizzalin ya no wut im sayin dawg, ya no wut im sayin'? ( translation: I wanted to thank you for saving my bites you know what I'm saying dog, you know what I'm saying?)

Jacob's mouth now officiallly was open. And he was wondering, now that the only sane person left Grunty(?), who would help him physciacticly now.   
"No, there is no way in.....where the fires go I, or anybody else for that matter, can understand you." He stated calmly. He was taught how to deal with hooligans.   
" Budizzle Jacob...(translation: but Jacob....) " ENGLISH PLEASE!!" Cortana sighed. The ghetto clothes digitized away replaced by her pinky attire.

" I'm sorry Jacob. It's just that........" Cortana trailed off. "Yes?" Jacob prompted.   
Cortana whispers something. " Come on, louder." Jacob coaxed. Cortana mumbles this time, still not able to be heard though. "I'm losing my patience."   
This time Jacob's voice was cold. " WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LIKE EACH OTHER!" Cortana burst out. " Oh.... there's that now." Now he was embarressed.   
"Hey, how do we know that anyway?" "I don't know.... I feel like we are being guided somehow... by a force much more powerful than us....." ( A transparent picture of Spongebob looking to the shining heavens surrounded by peaceful wild animals flashes.)

"Yes.. NO! WE CONTROL OUR OWN DESTINY!" Jacob takes an even more herioc pose and a triumphant wind blows."WE WILL FIGHT THE POWER!   
WE CAN CHANGE OUR FATE! WE ARE IN CONTROL!!" Jacob stands up proudly and the wind blows. When they stay this way for a while, the wind blows off Cortana's hat, and Jacob shows signs of life. He remembers what he's supposed to be doing, and ,as if in a trance, walks slowly away from Cortana without saying a word.

yayyayyayyayyyayyayyayyayyayyayyyayyyayyyayyayyayyayyayyayyyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayyayy

I finished the third chapter! I am writing this while watching Futurama! Love that show! The one about their trip to Mercury...YohoHO! I thought I would get farther than this...Master Chief will be introduced in the next one, or the one after that... for sure! Please keep reading and review nicely! THANK YOU FOR READING CHAPTER 3 OF HALO STORY!


	4. Mayhem at the meeting Boohoo

Disclaimer: OH MY GOD! I OWN HALO ..... IN MY DREAMS!  
WAHHH! But I worship Bungie just like everyone should. 

RavenMarss2000: I'm so glad SOMEONE actually wants me to continue!  
I will try to make it clearer to understand from now on... THANK YOU!

Most en-... do I have to say it? I only got one review, which was pretty encouraging nonetheless! RAVENMARSS2000!

(A/N) I'm going to clear up the first chapter when the story is finished.

(A/N)I AM GONNA GET AN X-BOX!! (maybe halo 2 also) SO AFTER THE 5th, I MAY NOT BE UPDATING REGULARY FOR A WHILE! I've already beat Halo 2 at my cousins house like the 2nd day I spent the night there, but my cousin is the kind of Halo junkie who thinks he's a Halo junkie but who only will beat it once and then ignore it and go back to Dynasty Warriors 3. (sigh) God, and he has the Collectors Edition with the DVD too. He watched the part with redvsblue over and over again, and left the rest alone. I could sit there and watch the DVD and the game ending forever and not get bored. Well... storytime I guess.  
(cries) ;-;

dvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvddvd

After a few minor mishaps, and a few random fires, Jacob finally made his way to the podium. He was finally there. He could start the stupid meeting. Grunty was still working very hard to make a good audience. "Ok," he wheezed, " please go over there to the front... thats the back... um, thats the side...THE FRONT DAMMIT THE FRONT!!"

Jacob signaled to a crew worker, who was working the microphones, to toss him a mic. The mic flies through the air, swirling majestically, until it hits Jacob on the head.

"OW! Ahem, so anyway, has everyone got a moving buddy?" "WHAT? We were supposed to get those ALREADY?" a random toy yelled out. "Do we have to hold hands?" Flud called out slyly. "Yes, yes you do." Every single toy retched at the idea of holding hands with the person next to him or her. "Fine, if you don't want to get a buddy, that's fine with me. But when you accidentally fall off the van,  
and your bloody carcass is run over by hundreds of random vehicles, and you have no one to let anyone know what the hell happened to you, DON'T BLAME ME!!" Everyone instantly grabbed hands with the person next to him.

"Oh and Floodie's birthday party has been moved to...today." A brief silence washed over the entire room. When Jacob thought he could hear his own brain process data,  
a cheer broke out through the crowd. "NO YOU RETARDS, WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED AND SHOCKED!" Jacob yelled. "Oooohhhhhhhh... YAY"  
He sighed and slapped his head. "Wait!" Elity-Face the giant not scary elite screamed,  
"What if he gets a better elite? I just can't take it when I'm not the best!" Jacob started rubbing his temples and sighed again. He said," First of all, I have 3 valid points to make.  
Elitey, you are not the best." He continued on, ignoring the whimpering and blubbering from the blue alien.

"Second, we are supposed to be very scared about this, seeing as we don't want to be replaced, and-" "WHO SAYS WE DON'T WANT TO BE REPLACED"  
Flud called out. "Well..." "WE ALL WANT TO BE REPLACED TO A KID WHO DOESN'T MAKE US FEEL GAY!" Grunty added. Jacob covered his ears and tried to say," guys, I'm right here you don't have to-" "AND WE DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THE COMFORT OF OUR OWN BOX EITHER!!" screamed a human combat form name Flam. "DON'T DENY THE FACT YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HERE EITHER!!"

"Fine, you're right. I don't. But we are moving to Florida, and since I've always wanted to be somewhere I wasn't freezing my $$ off, I have been pretending to be the kid's idea of a hero for about, oh, say 4 years. I plan that, as soon as we get to the new place, I will jump out of the van, hide behind a street post, and donate myself to the Salvation Army. There, I will find a needy child who will put me in some collection and leave me alone in a tube until nighttime, and, with proper rappings and moanings, convince the child that I am manifested with a poltrigiest."

He took a deep breath and continued," Then, the kid will sell me to a physcic, who will figure out that toys really do live and will teach me his mysterious art of mind-reading and telekinesis. Using that power, I will betray him, and use that power to take over the world. And, most of all, I will summon Chuckie to be my hired gun.  
Hell, he may even use a knife, for all I care. And this concludes my summary of why I love Florida."

Admist the wild gaping and staring, Flam weakly stated," I'm not really sorry to break up the.......staff meeting... but the guests are here!"

wowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwowwoww Thats one weird plan. I promise, next chapter MC will be in! I'm not sure, but this looks like it's the longest chapter yet. If you are reading this, please review it.  
I need someone to tell me this chapter is not $#it.


	5. Bombs, Pods, and Fudge Bars!

If-hay I-hay owned-hay Alo-hay, ou-yay ould-way ot-nay e-bay eading-ray anfiction-fay, ou-yay ould-way e-bay eading-ray e-thay Alo-hay oryline-stay.  
Uh-d!!! Ike-lay, Ullooo-hay! 

I'm not even gonna bother translating that....

OKAY!

Raven-Marss2000: I know! I already got it and am on High Charity! Thanks! I think I am slowly improving... (typing, writing, imagining, whatever.)

MASTER CHIEF45: Oooh yes, I had already planned and was looking forward to those parts! Thanks for that, I really needed it!

M.E.R.: This time, it was a stalmate! I couldn't decide who was more encouraing!

Note: This is my Christmas present to the site, for anyone who cares. I will make this a nice, long chapter... I hope (re re re re!)

To the story part we go, to the story part we go! Hi, ho, the darry oh! To the story part we go!

merrychristmasmerrychristmasmerrychristmasmerrychristmasmerrychristmasmerrychristmasmerrychristmas

Jacob sat there, still rubbing his temples, when all the toys stampeded past him.  
"Stay calm... ah, screw it. Just get outta my sight." Some toys were still celebrating.  
"WAHOO!(to the tune of Jolly Good Fellow) Floodie is replacing us! Floodie is replacing us! Floodie is replacing USsssssssssss... AND NOBODY THINKS THAT SUCKS! HEY!" Everybody who didn't want to be replaced crowded around the window. About five flood forms stood in front of the house, vandalising a car.  
But one normal child, while glaring at the others, fixed her hair and pointed her nose in the air. Her hair was in a HIGH ponytail, and she was wearing a shirt with a daisy on it. Oh, and the most noticible featue about her had to be....................................................SHE WAS HUMAN!!

" Holy burning crap...Floodie invited... a girl? And she's...human? (Lay off the damn periods!)" Flam gasped. "How much do you wanna bet he luvvvss her?" chuckled Grunty. " Now that is really disgusting Gruntie." Jacob groaned.  
" Yeah, he's only in 4rth grade!" "And... she's, like, human? And he's, like, not?" prompted Jacob. They ignored him. " Dude, that's like forbidden love or something!  
Ya know, like when they're not supposed to... but they do anyway?" "Please excuse me while I go throw up." Jacob mumbled.  
Suddenly, all the Flood forms finished what they were doing and pulled something out of their pockets. 4 of them held brightly wrapped presents, but one of them held a dagger. One whispered something in his ear. Jacob strained to hear what they were saying, but all he could hear was 'not ambush' and 'party, you dumbass'. The Knife-boy said oh, and swapped is knife for his own present. Jacob could pretty much understand what that meant from there.

The mayhem upstairs restarted, and the toys strarted running and screaming completely random things such as ," HOLY PUMPKIN CRACK AND TURNIPS!! (Thank my brother for that one. ) "  
" Guys, would it soothe your frazzled nerves if I sent the marines down there?" Jacob asked patiently. " Yes! YES !!! SEND THEM DOWN T-T-THERE! We WILL RELAX, WE SWEAR! AHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ahem." Elitey-Face screamed. Nobody noticed among the chaos.

"Sergeant!" A marine climbed out of the bucket 'o 'rines. "Sir! What the hell do you want, SIR?!!" the marine bellowed. "Establish a reacon post on the P.P. sector! Take your most elite men, and this ba- COMMUNICATOR!"

"SIR YES SIR!!" The marine yelled something to his men, and turned to jump off the table. Jacob stopped him. " Two things, Johnson! What will you do if you come across any resistance?!!" " I WILL PERSONALLY UNLOAD A FULL CLIP OFF ASSAULT RIFLE FIRE INTO THEIR STUPID A$$!, SIR!" "Good. And Johnson"  
"SIR!" "Stop using CAPS LOCK." " SIR- Sir yes sir!"

The marines left, and Jacob rigged up the bab- COMMUNICATOR to the proper setting. The rest of the toys watched nervously from the window. The

(F-five L- lunatics O- out of O- orbit D- Dumbasses S- as in plural)

F.L.O.O.D.S knocked on the door. Simultaneously. Which made an extremely loud sound ring through the house. And of course, extremely loud sounds either annoy, scare, or entertain babies. For the little infection form, it did the first two.

"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" The mother (woman flood form)  
grabbed the baby and cradled it.She rocked it, sang to it, and tried to walk to the door at the same time. But since the damn thing would not shut up, she got so pissed she simply threw it on the floor, where it popped like a crackler. Floodie stared. "Mom, if I had colic, would you have done that to me?" "You did have colic,  
and the only reason you are alive today is that I was still slightly sane when you were a little infection form." " That makes me feel real warm inside."

For the marines witnessing this, that made the mission more dangerous. A marine pulled out a tape recorder. " Note to self," he whispered," the maternal form is easily aggravated and will readily kill it's own. Suggested hints of menopause."

"If you're finished bein' Shakespeare, then get your self in front of the P.P. zone Dubbo!" Sergaent Johnson asserted. (Normally, you know, it would be yelled.  
But since they don't want to get their butts fried by a menopausal Flood form,  
they gotta keep their voices low. Dur. l)

They traveled to the P.P. zone (potted plant for those who haven't got it yet)  
They got about half way there, when the F.L.O.O.D.S. finally were let in by the M.M. (menopausal mother) . The marines had to freeze and pretend to be inanamite. "OK, who wants some grub? I've got human and elite!" Floodie's mom called. Unfortunantly for Dubbo, M.M. stepped on him. "OW! MY FRIGGIN' FOOT! FLOODIE YOU DUMBASS!! HOW MANY TIME HAVE I TOLD YOU TO PICK UP YOUR CRAP AFTER YOUR STUPID SELF"  
She used her tentace to swipe the marines out of the way.

Of course, they went flying down the stairs. (twee) Most of the marines were flailing and yelling their squelly toy yells. But Johnson stood upright and flying, either like a toy or like the true-to-the-core marine he was. (sniff that is so cool! In the face of death, he stood strong! sniff At the end, we will pay tribute to this fine example of a marine! WAHHH! cries)

And, the most obvious thing of all is that: they landed. "AAAAaaaAAAAaaahhhh hhhhhhhhhh....... AAHH!" they all screamed (except Johnson) as they dropped to the floor. Most of them groaned, rolled over, and stood again. But Johnson (who was already up) barked out something. All the marines formed a single-file line.  
.....Except Dubbo, who was laying on the floor. " Ug.....go on without me"  
All the marines stood there, barely able to believe the state of their teammate.  
At least, that is, until one of them said, "Sure, whatever." Then all of them shrugged and marched on. But Johnson walked right back up there and said,"A good soldier never leaves a man behind!" He threw the injured man over his shoulder. "HOLY CRAP! " He threw him down. "What the hell have you been eating?" "Ummm... fudge bars"  
Johnson glared. " Well, I won't leave you behind..." He pulled out a shotgun.  
He shot Dubbo in the head 3 times. " Let this be a lesson to you! Think about your crazed teammates before you go eating fudge bars!" Johnson told them.  
"SIR YES SIR!"

They journey down to the P.P., and planted the ba- COMMUNICATOR into the post. They climbed up to the top of the wicker basket and waited. Sure enough, the F.L.O.O.D.S stampeded past them, pushing and shoving.

" I WANNA GET iN THE MIDDLE!" "NO, I DO!" This bullcrap went on until M.M. screamed, "FLOODIE IS GETTING IN THE MIDDLE, YOU HAVE NO CHOICE ABOOUT IT WHATSOEVER!" So, they all meekly sat down around Floodie. Except for the girl. She was standing up, but she was only placing her present in the pile. She delicately set hers on top, and then skipped to the spot directly behind Floodie and sat down, tucking her ankles under her bottom.

Some marines pulled out books, crosswords, or word searches. The rest turned on the 'municator. All except one. He pulled out a magizine entitled 'Fems Monthly'  
One caption said 'Getting in Touch with your Feminine Side: Here's How!' (How educational) Sergeant Johnson shook his head, let his eye twitch, and spoke in the communicator.

roomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroom

In a crackly voice the communicator said,"Papa ship, come in, papa ship! This is fire team zulu-"

"Cut the crap Sergeant. I know you're there and you know I'm here." Jacob responded in his typical cynical-like way.

" Oookay. The thing has been placed. Now we just have to wait. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,  
10, and a big fat hen! OK! He's opening the first present!" Everyody leaned closer in anticipation. "It's a... a lunch box!!"

"A lunch box?" Flam asked. "A lunch box?" One-Eyed Flud echoed. "For lunch, you dumbass!" Grunty laughed. Suddenly, incoherent screaming was heard (thanks to Floodie) and a quick flury of words in response. "And what the hell was that?" Jacob questioned.

The communicator crackled. "Translation; someone gave him bedsheets, and he screamed, quote, 'DO I LOOK LIKE I WET THE BED AND NEED NEW BEDSHEETS TO YOU????!!!' unquote. The response was, ' No, I just thought they looked cool and would be awesome on your bed.' Floodie has calmed down,  
and even looks happy about the sheets."

"Well, Floodie can't replace us with bedsheets." Jacob grumbled. Few toys looked relieved.

The list went on and on and on. Nothing seemed of any importance, but there was two things Jacob did notice. One, was that nobody bought him a TOY toy. Second, was that the only real toy anyone got was a Michael Jackson action figure, and EVERYONE knew that was going in the trash. (haha :P) all it did was say random things like, " Babies are cool! Especially when dangled out 10 story windows! Those are some of my favorite things! Now I don't feeeeeeeel sooooooo bad....!" (Flowgo! Go there ! MJ's Favorite things is the name! don't own that, either)

"....Floodie is opening the last present!" "Noooo! Not the last present!!! MORE DAMMIT MORE!" Jacob wailed. Elitey-Face looked relieved. Flam looked ready to hurt someone. Flud just looked like he was going to cry.

".......It's a..... SHIP? Floodie got a sailboat! Repeat, It's just a sailboat!" "Who the hell bought him a sailboat?" Jacob yelled. " It's a model. The girl bought him a model sailboat."

Jacob looked very angry for a second, then smiled evilly. " That means quality time boat rides into the lake... WITH A WHIRLPOOL! HAHA!!" "Actually, they got rid of the whirlpool last week." Grunty told him, filing his nails.  
"........." plantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplant

"Wow! Thank you Daisy! Now I can take my toys for quality boatrides in the lake...without a whirlpool! We will have so much fun!" Floodie said.

"Don't mention it," the girl (Daisy) said."...Does this mean I get to be paper moniter this week?" Before Floodie could answer, M.M. threw something cube like at him.  
"Here, since all these gifts suck, you have the only thing that doesn't suck."

"Papa ship! Come in, Papa ship! M.M. just pulled a suprise present!"

Jacob snapped to attention. " WHAT IS IT? What issss iiiiiitt?" "It's a..." Sargeant Johnson was cut off as a loud uproar shorted out the communicator.  
"DAMN! DAMN! If this is good, he'll come up here to play with it! GET IN YOUR POSITION"  
Everybody ran into the place they were last seen. Jacob, the bed. Flam, the window.  
Flud. the fake town. Cortana, with her gigabites. Everybody else ran to the toybox.

All was quiet...for about 5 seconds. Suddenly, a stampede of Flood kids and one human girl ran upstairs, trompling anything in their path. "MOVE IT"  
"I WANNA SEE THE ACTION FIGURE!" " IT'S MY TOY, LET ME IN"  
Believe it or not, Floodie made it in first. (Oh. My. God.)

" Hey! Look! His gun actually shots! OW!" "Take that freak!" "MAKE SPACE! This is where the pod lands!" One of the kids swiped Jacob off the bed and set an oval shaped object in his place. "I'm gonna try his action phrases!" M.M. broke the bedlam. "GET DOWN HERE IF YOU WANT TO BE FED FOR THE NEXT WEEK OR SO!" Of course, everyone hightailed it back down there,  
leaving all Floodie's presents behind. The girl didn't though. She lingered by the bed,  
opened up the lunchbox, and set something tiny and beeping inside the case. "Tomorrow, lunch. He'll never know... until tomorrow anyway." She smiled evilly and left the room.

Slowly, everyone came out of their hiding spots. "Jacob, who's up there with ya"  
Elitey-Face called. Everyone was suprised when Jacob fell from the window. He was obviously drun- DIZZY. "Guess the kid swiped me too hard!! HEHE! That doesn't sound right, ya know? Swipe? Where did that come from? HEHEHEHE"  
Everybody rolled their eyes.

Finally, when Jacob regained his senses, he started to climb up the bed. He stuck his head above the top of the bed. An oval was sitting there, in all it's glory. "HAHAHA! THIS is what Floodie likes so much? That kid is getting more retarded everyday!" He walked up to to it, and began poking it. "Come on, even Floodie's not that stupid. It has to do something. What, does it fight evil, shot lasers or fly?" Suddenly, when Jacob actually compressed a button, a hiss was heard.  
Fog seeped out of the opening 'oval'.

Noblely, something stepped out. A hollow breathing sound was heard. The 'something' was a deep sage green. It was shaped like a man, but the body was bulky and it had a helmet on. It had it's head up high, and majestic music was playing. It would have been a perfect movie moment, but the thing whirled around shot a violinist. The rest of the band screamed and ran in different directions.

Cortana climbed up and looked at it admiringly. "We've been trying to get rid of them for ages. What are you, anyway?" It hesitated. " I," it said,"do not want to be called an it anymore." It sounded male so it will be a he. Seeing that he was now animate, he also added, " I am Spartan 117. You can call me Master Chief"That's my new type of break!

It's a cliffie! Kinda, I guess. I have three important notes.

1. That was DEFININTLY my longest chapter yet! Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!

2. Remember Daisy? They DO NOT like each other, and she hates him. I just needed to find some character dialog. (And someone besides M.M. that would plant a mini-  
bomb in Floodie's lunchbox! :) )

3. REVIEW! I need reviews! I am breaking down, and my schedule for school just changed,  
so HERE I AM, MOVING TO MAJOR ADVANCED CLASSES, TRYING TO FOCUS ON A STORY ONLY 1 PERSON REGULARLY REVIEWS ON!! (Very nice reviews, might I add :) ) Sorry, I had to get that out. No offense, by the way.  
So PLLEEASE review! The better the reviews are, the better the chapter will be!


	6. Hmmm I have no friggin' clue

AAAARRGGGHHH!!!!! GGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! DDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE DDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAMMM YYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! (Breath) Sorry about that. I was just playng Spiderman 2 and then I got to the 3rd battle with Doc. Ock. The one with Mary-Jane held hostage? In the warehouse.  
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!  
EACH TIME I FREAKING GET DOWN TO ONE TERMINAL, THAT STUPID SHIELD THING CATAPULTS MY ASS INTO THE BLACK SLUDGY STUFF!  
AND OF COURSE, WHEN I ACTUALLY DO BEAT IT, DOC OCK GRABS ME WITH HIS TENTACLES AND SPANKS ME LIKE A HOMICIDAL GRANDMA WITH FOUR ARMS!! AND THE WHOLE TIME, MARY-JANE IS SCREAMING.  
"OH NO! PLEASE DON'T DIE! PLEASE DON'T LOSE! I CAN'T WATCH!  
PETER! NOOO! WATCH OUT! LOOK OUT!!!" LIKE A FREAK AND SITTING THERE NOT RUNNING!  
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.  
('Nother breath.) Sorry again. I had to get that out. 

I do not own Halo. I do not own Spiderman 2. Get the picture and stop bothering me, I only own a pocket knife. (Flashes it menacingly) (Grandma snatches it.) Awwwww..

Raven-Marss2000:GASP! That is a really good idea! I didn't even think about Sid yet! I'm glad someone gets the principal of ba-COMMUNICATOR and floo-GROUND!  
Some people really use their brains nowadays :)Unlike me.... THANKS FOR THE IDEA AND THE REVIEW!(P.S. It was a baby moniter!)

xxxxxx: Once again, I know it was random, and I'm glad people think this is still funny! I will keep going for sure! All these heart warming reviews )  
Thanks for the tongue-stinking-outter. It really helped! (I'm not being sarcastic,  
either.) Thanks!  
MA-SPARTAN 45: YOU'RE BACK! (Claps happily) I really am happy! You and Raven-Marss2000 are my top two reviewers! AND I LIKE SEEING REVIEWS!  
I will use the idea about the Halo thing, but I already have ideas for the other things, one which I wrote the fic for in the first place, and one which I really like better. But I WILL try to incorporate the two. PLEASE FORGIVE ME! (cries)  
But wait, there's more! In response to your second review, I was going to update it sooner, but wouldn't let me log in. And I have a little something to say. UPDATE YOUR STORY!!!! The Sweet Dreams one? I have been waiting for that update!! ...Unless it's one-shot. And someone actually thought it was sick I hadn't updated in a month? : ) That makes me happy.

Hi2990: YES, WE ARE BOTH CRAZY OR SOMETHING!!!! HAHDHFGJH HHPSKDHNF:SNHLKCVBKJSYGUJKBFKJHLIUGOLGVDBBJDUHNH!  
I'll go by the bottom lines and hope you mean them! Thanks for the review.  
Wiggidy Wack...

A.N. I am typing with gloves, so if I make any spelling errors, don't send me a review saying,'blah blah spelling errors, blah blah.' You may be wondering why I am typing with gloves. There is a horsefly flying around my room, and I am hoping that wearing excessive clothes will discourage thge damn thing from biting me. I need these fingers!

Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off to the story we go! (Du du duduludo do du do)  
( jinglebellsjinglebellsjingleallthewayohwhatfunitistorideinaonehorseopensleighhey)  
Master Chief looked around for any sign of ensignia or anything that indicates what he should do. He spotted a badge on Jacob's chest. "Local law enforcement! Do you have any idea-" he scanned the area "GET DOWN!" He pushed Jacob down,  
but, since we all know Master Chief can flip a Pelican, his super-strength sent Jacob flying off the bed, and well into the carpet. Unfortunantly for him, Master Chief didn't notice. He was too busy aiming at Elitey-Face and Gruntie, who were peeking over the top of the bed. He looked ready to pull the trigger, but he did a double take. "Cortana?!!!!"

"Ugghhh, I'm right here." Master Chief groaned, sounding like a woman.  
"But if you're right there, who the hell is that?" he asked, staring at the other Cortana.  
The two covenant, who had some smarts about them, remained quiet. But Flam, who was a complete and total idiot, said,"HAHA! I thought I was unlucky!! Atleast I'm only a flood member! But this guy is obviously a man-lady!!" "GASP!" everyone gasped including Master Chief, "a man lady!!" "You're not supposed to call yourself a he-she"  
Flam screamed. "You're not supposed to call yourself a he-she!" Master Chief mocked.  
"I AM SO CONFUSED!!" Flam ran away, crying. Master Chief just stood there.

" Well, anyway, I come in peace." The chief stated. "Oh, I'm so glad you're not better than me!!" Elitey-Face cried. "I highly doubt that." The Master Chief laughed,  
again sounding like a woman. "Cortana!!" Man voice. "Yes?" The Bo Peep Cortana asked. "No, not you!!" Master Chief yelled. "Well I'm the only Cortana here!" Cortana replied, a little angry. "No, I have you in my head!!" She walked over and poked him with her staff, hard. "FREAK!" She walked off. By now, everyone was staring at him strangely. "Um...Does any of you have a computer?" Elitey-Face,  
who was still slightly pissed at not being the best, pulled a mini lap-top out of his pocket.  
"Here, MUCH better than HUMAN technology." He said, putting emphasis on much and human. He hesitated for a second, and then added," You are human, are you not?" If Master Chief had no helmet on, we could see he would be grinning evilly. "No. I'm not," he put his hand on Elitey-Face's shoulder,  
"Elitey-Face, I am your father." He fell to his knees. "No.... this can't be.  
NNNOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOooo OOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOO oooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOooo OOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOO oooOOOoooOOO-" "Shut the hell up!" "-oooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOO oooOOOoooOOO!!!!" He ran off to cry with Flam.

"Well... that was a tad more dramatic than I thought it would be. " Master Chief said. "A tad? Chief, you must have gone crazy while you were in that pod." He said in a womanly voice. He snapped his fingers. "AHA! That reminds me!" He picked up the mini lap-top.He opened it up, sat down, positioning the lap-top on the bed, and yanked something out of his head. "OH MY GOD!! HE RIPPED OUT HIS BRAIN!!! It looks a little small....and compact..." Flud gasped.

Ignoring this, he placed the item into a slot in the side of the computer.  
Musical fanfare played. "Yeah yeah, cut the crap." he muttered. After a full disk scan, a defragmentation, and a disk clean up, (which roughly took 3 minutes.  
Lucky bastards... it would take 3 DAYS on my crappy computer XD) a female wire frame figure appeared on the screen. Her main hue was a light blue,  
but every once in a while, a flash of purple, green, or even light pink would flash across her features. Her hair was cropped at her lower temples, and it matched her main body color.

She was slender, and her fingers were long and graceful. Yet, aside all this, the most noticible part of her was-"OH MY GOD!! SHE'S NAKED"  
cried the group who had gathered around the lap-top in unison.The wire-frame sighed and rubbed her temples. "No, I am actually wearing a skin tight body suit, with the seams so tight, they blend in with my very flesh"  
The whole group (which consisted of men and a gay troll doll) stared for a second more, then walked away giggling. If the Chief didn't have his helmet on, we would see that he rolled his eyes in exactly, perfect unison with Cortana. She sent a thankful glance at him. (She could somehow tell Oo. ) "Wow. I'm actually real glad you had that auegmentation, or dealing with you would be a lot harder. Lots of men are perverts here. (NO OFFENSE TO THE MEN, I WAS TALKING ABOUT IN THE STORY!!)" Master Chief looked at her for a second, then he replied," Actually, that doesn't mean crap. I just find you really unappealing. Your hair is like a bowl, for Christ's sake!" She gave him a cold, disgusted glare. "Thanks,you bastard."

Oo OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow

Ok, here is the long (XD) awaited chapter 6. Sorry it's so short, I tried..

And by the way, please review Arm-Slaves story. I gotta start, it's hilarious.


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